disclaimer: the following is not for my male readership...although, I doubt many men read blogs
I am having an internal battle...a battle over breastfeeding. I have always been an avocate of breastfeeding (if possible) and I have been blessed to produce more than enough milk for my babies. plus I am too cheap to buy formula when I can give them something better for free. I enjoy the one-on-one time and the closeness with my babies that nursing provides. When I nursed jack, there was no question in my mind that I would go a full year. We made it to 11 months when he decided enough was enough. fine.
but with kate, I am having a hard time even making it to 3 months. it's not that I love her any less; the circumstances are just different. maybe it's the fact that I had such a difficult start with kate: bleeding and cracked-->mastitis-->nipple shield (which, sadly, I am still using and hate). and the fact that I have an active 3 year old who doesn't make the experience as enjoyable as it was when it he was a baby. as soon as I sit down to nurse, he needs a drink or help with the potty or wants to go outside. it just doesn't seem convenient. and I have a phobia of nursing in public, especially the mother's lounge at church. so I pump a lot, which tends to make me crack and bleed. then there is the problem of storing the milk and keeping it cool when we are out. needless to say, it just hasn't been as pleasant an experience.
and, dare I say, I somewhat resent kate because of the nursing...gasp. don't get me wrong, I love her and want to provide the best for her, but I look at my pre-pregnancy clothes and get depressed that I am unable to wear them. I embrace the battle wounds of pregnancy and nursing (flabby stomach, wide hips, back pain, and large chest) and am grateful that I was able to conceive another child (which is a miracle in my book considering the history and circumstances). but at the same time, I want my old smaller, leak-free self back. I want to be able to eat broccoli or a handful of frozen blueberries and not worry it will keep her up all night. does anyone else share these feelings or am I the only terrible mother out there?
I am having an internal battle...a battle over breastfeeding. I have always been an avocate of breastfeeding (if possible) and I have been blessed to produce more than enough milk for my babies. plus I am too cheap to buy formula when I can give them something better for free. I enjoy the one-on-one time and the closeness with my babies that nursing provides. When I nursed jack, there was no question in my mind that I would go a full year. We made it to 11 months when he decided enough was enough. fine.
but with kate, I am having a hard time even making it to 3 months. it's not that I love her any less; the circumstances are just different. maybe it's the fact that I had such a difficult start with kate: bleeding and cracked-->mastitis-->nipple shield (which, sadly, I am still using and hate). and the fact that I have an active 3 year old who doesn't make the experience as enjoyable as it was when it he was a baby. as soon as I sit down to nurse, he needs a drink or help with the potty or wants to go outside. it just doesn't seem convenient. and I have a phobia of nursing in public, especially the mother's lounge at church. so I pump a lot, which tends to make me crack and bleed. then there is the problem of storing the milk and keeping it cool when we are out. needless to say, it just hasn't been as pleasant an experience.
and, dare I say, I somewhat resent kate because of the nursing...gasp. don't get me wrong, I love her and want to provide the best for her, but I look at my pre-pregnancy clothes and get depressed that I am unable to wear them. I embrace the battle wounds of pregnancy and nursing (flabby stomach, wide hips, back pain, and large chest) and am grateful that I was able to conceive another child (which is a miracle in my book considering the history and circumstances). but at the same time, I want my old smaller, leak-free self back. I want to be able to eat broccoli or a handful of frozen blueberries and not worry it will keep her up all night. does anyone else share these feelings or am I the only terrible mother out there?
how can I deny those cheeks some of mommy's goodness?
20 comments:
anytime breast feeding is better then none, and you have really put in quite the effort considering how hard its been this time around. I dont think she will be unhealthy or less loved if you decided to stop now. Your still a good mom.. Thats my opinion.. and you should listen to me since I have so many kids and all! :)
Brittany: You are so cute! I think you need to do what is best for you and your family. But I have heard that 6 months of breastfeeding is just about the same as a year and is really the time they need it most. So if it makes you feel better maybe you can just go to 6 months, 3 more months and then you can feel like you've made it, but not feel like it's a never ending ordeal.
BTW Kate is darling! I love reading your blog and get such a kick out of your candidness, cute personality, and fun writing style.
Oh and I am a nut with bows so I have to say I LOVED the bow you had in her hair in your recent posts.
You are a great mom Brittany, you just need to decide and not look back feeling good about all you have done and all you have given! You are wonderful!!
Sorry for the lenghty posts with my two sense! :)
Everyone goes through stuff like this and you just have to do what you have to do to stay sane. If it's driving you crazy then you can't be as good of a mom and that's not worth it. Ultimately, it's just your own decision.
1. this picture is absolutely adorable! 2. do whatever makes you happy... i hated nursing until like 6 months, but don't worry, it for sure doesn't make you a bad mom. you're awesome!
I have a LOT to say about this. Probably more than you care to hear. I nursed Isaac a full year. Then Noah came. I didn't want him, I wasn't ready for him, and he was a horrible nurser. I had PPD (that I didn't get help for) and I started hating him more. I had cracked/bleeding nipples for TWO FULL MONTHS. Every time it was time for him to eat I would get sick to my stomach and literally scream when he latched on, it hurt so bad. My husband begged me to stop nursing, that we would go on WIC if we had to to pay for formula, but my guilt over not wanting him in the first place and then not nursing him like my first was too great and I just couldn't quit. We went the full year. I still kick myself over it. If you want to quit, quit. Formula is pretty much just as good as breast milk now that you're past the first few weeks stage (colostrum, you know). It's not worth it. I will not be nursing my next baby, no way, no how. It was just too awful with Noah. I don't think we bonded over it because I was hating him over it, and he was wondering why I was screaming every time he ate...it was not good. So, I say quit if you feel like it.
I didn't breastfeed either boys, sometimes I regret it and wonder if things would have been different if I had. But... I would have been a hot mess if I did breastfeed, it just wasn't an option for me. I think its most important that you are happy so you can be a good mom to your kids, if that means formula feeding than do it! She has already gotten the really good stuff she needed from your breast milk, I don't think you should feel guilty at all.
This is an interesting dilemma in our house-my body just shuts down at 8 weeks, no matter what I do. So I say do what will make you the happiest. You got the most important time in (the first 6 weeks). If you choose to keep nursing, I do have a suggestion that will get rid of your physical issues. It's called Newman's ointment and it's only in Utah from what I understand. It might even be only in Utah county at that because it has to be specially mixed on request. If your interested, let me know and I'll try to get some out to you. It seriously SAVED me with Reagan so that I had any desire to nurse at all.
you have already talked to me about this. I admit it was hard to give up the breastfeeding, especially when your milk still comes in. I feel guilty everytime it does and miss the bonding time feeding. But I felt like I had more against me then for me. It was getting really hard and like you told me if you are stressed, it doesn't help the whole experience. My doctor told me if you can give 6 weeks that is pretty good. I still feel a little sad but know the formula is just as good and he will be just fine. just sucks we have to pay $$$.
do what you can do and what makes you and the rest of the clan happy!
p.s-the convenience of bottle feeding is SO nice!
you are NOT a terrible mother. a HAPPY mom is better than a breastfeeding mom. Nursing was my own personal hell. I hated it for all the same reasons you listed not to mention the physical pain and discomfort. I did my best, but it was miserable. M also resented me nursing the baby and seized those moments to act out. badly. I realized nursing was the only variable I could control so we gave it up and it's been so much better ever since, for everyone. C is perfectly healthy, strong, and chunky! Nobody should ever judge you on this issue. I'll totally support you. The most important part of breastfeeding is the very beginning. You've done that.
Max has been eating formula since the hospital. He hates my boobs. (Not to mention he was jandis and larthargic).. But I have been pumping and using formula to supplement.. And wondering at one month how much longer I should even bother... It is no fun. Plenty of people say it doesn't matter after a few weeks.. so don't stress over it! Enjoy your baby and Jack! And if that means you are done nursing.. so be it! There are plenty of ways to bond besides shoving a boob in their mouth.
Love ya!
question...have you got your new camera???
In two years when you look back on this situation, will you regret any of it? You know yourself better than anyone. Do what you need to do regardless of what other people think (except for Aaron of course). Just make sure you'll still be happy with the choice you made later in life. Being a new mom is NOT easy, and in two years things will be a lot different and more normal. Good luck. These choices are tough ones. Love ya, Jenette
Okay. Other commenters, please don't send me any hate mail, but I'm going to have to go against the grain on this one. I know breastfeeding is hard and time-consuming and take a lot out of you, both physically and emotionally. There is nothing better than breastmilk for your baby, nothing can even come close. I would talk to a lactation consultant and your pediatrician, and even your OB, before throwing in the towel. Even if you decided to pump and give Kate a bottle. There are options out there that don't have to involve totally stopping nursing and switching to formula. Please don't take any of that the wrong way, I just felt like the other side needed to be heard as well! :)
shanelle-I totally agree, hence the dilemma. I've tho't about pumping only, but that too takes time (and jack hates when I pump or nurse b/c they both take away from) and I get cracked and bleed from pumping. I did talk to the MD I work for/kate's doctor and he says the studies show 4 months is good, every month after that is bonus. what to do?
tricky, tricky this is a tough one and really you are the one who gets to decide. we all have our own stories with our own opinions. my kids all nursed pretty well and i thought it was a good time to make them play by themselves and experience a little alone time. however, lots and lots of messes were made during this alone time. it always always seems like the first couple months are the hardest, then for me it always got a lot easier. good luck, and just do what feels right for you. sorry for the novel
I really hope you come to a decision that brings you peace about all of this. I've done it 3 times, but not without issues. As far as another child needing/wanting attention, I read A LOT of stories during nursing time, and also learned to nurse anywhere & everywhere - the floor, the park, the dinner table, even walking around. Having everyone needing your attention can be stressful and overwhelming. Don't forget if you are feeling stressed and/or overwhelmed, your sweet baby will be able to sense it! Good luck, and hang in there! Sending lots of good thoughts your way... :)
Even though you don't know me I will tell you what I did as I was in a simular situation. I had a 18month old little boy and a new born baby girl. It was so hard to sit and nurse and Isaac had a really hard time that mom needed to do it for his sister. So I made him a "mommy is busy with baby box" and he knew he could play with those things only when I was busy it worked well....but I had major issues nursing, mastitis 3 times a yeast infection so bad I had blood blisters it was horrible for 8 weeks. And then we found out my daughter was allergic to all dairy. Oh it was stressful. I ended up nursing her and cut all dairy out of my diet. It was so hard and I ended up nursing her for a long time(15 months) I am grateful I did it but sometimes I still have resentiment for all the drama, and think that it probably would have been easier to formula feed. Such a long story sorry. So I say you know yourself and if you feel you need to quit I believe mom's know what is best for their situation. Will it make you a bad mom....Never!
Brit, you do what you think/know is best. Don't feel guilty either way you choose. Just go forward and enjoy the benefits of the choice you make. (and now for my personal story:)I nursed all my babies and loved it (except for the first 2 weeks, ahhh!)--although Hayden was a challenge from day 1 to 10 1/2 months when he finally refused to take another sip from me! Looking back I wondered if I should have 'given in' sooner, but now that it is all over I am glad I had that special bonding time.
so the decision: after talking with the doctor, I'll keep nursing and pumping for another 2 months then re-evaluate. the smaller the goal, the easier it is to handle. thanks for all the advice and support.
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